I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
whose parrot is this?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
