i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
