The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
