Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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