I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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