do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stole a fireplace last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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