God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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