TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize