I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
3pm strippers are depressing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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