Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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