So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
