he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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