Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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