There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize