tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is my gift to your gina
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
