the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
