Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
