Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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