hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
