At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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