Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
