somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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