I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize