On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
FUCK WHALES
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
