I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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