Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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