I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
