I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
