I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
