I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
