i jhust puked up my retainher.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
