He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize