I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
