i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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