he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
