I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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