Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
