just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
