That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
