come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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