I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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