wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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