census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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