Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
