Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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