Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
