I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
