last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
