also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
