Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I smell stomach acid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize