why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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