ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
