I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The feeling are messing with the penis
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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