Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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