i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
