i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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