What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
