i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize