why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
