Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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