I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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