NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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