I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
