oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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