Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You don't make any sense
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