where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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