go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize