She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize