so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
