I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
