Your mouth is God's brothel.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My cat gives me a boner
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
