ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
