hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
