Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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