Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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