Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
