She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
