Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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