evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
