Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
