SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
