Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
