She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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