Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
