I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize