Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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