the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
now i know why i became what i already was.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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