This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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