It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
