She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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